Monday, September 27, 2010

9 Days And I'm Ready For The Adventure [My Blog Preface]


Lets do this [go to Alaska... gung-ho baby.] Although, honestly, I have an overwhelming (not really, I am exaggerating) feeling that one of the planes I am on will crash, and I will die. lol....

I think I'm just being dramatic. But seriously, if I did, please don't be sad. I mean, mourn me for a few days, but don't let it destroy you. ;)As long as i set material foot in Fairbanks, all will be well.

I already feel like somewhat of a failure with this blog i created. I'm good at creating, not so great at sustaining. What does an appropriate blog posting schedule look like? I would like to work towards posting every other day.
Topics to come in the future include:

  • Combating my addiction to ice cream [see also, struggles with giving up dairy products]
  • My opinions on fashion
  • Me the princess vs. me the off-the-grid radical
  • A really intense short story I have in mind about harvesting humans for food and my feelings on vegetarianism
  • Updates on tundra living
  • Photo entries
  • Entries of poetry I write and have written
  • The introduction of myself as a rap artist [lol] and more seriously, as a songstress
  • Struggles with giving up dairy products on my road to becoming vegan, as its labeled
  • The grand opening of my Esty shop & my projects along the way
  • Updates on my dear, growing, little man and what it's like to be a mother, in my eyes

And lastly [because this list is only an example used for preview, but is never-ending (so long as I don't fail with this blog)]:
I am in the process of creating a 101 Things in 1001 Days list. I will post it when it's complete, and am going to create entries with each item I am able to cross off.

I hope people will stick around for the ride. I've got some totally weird things to talk about in the future.. my mind is a strange (and creative) place and I really would love to share it with the world.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

T-minus 23 Days Until Alaska

It will take me twelve hours to get to Fairbanks, Alaska. With 2 stops and a 6 hour layover. 23 days left in Minnesota... I haven't counted them until just now so i could say so in this blog. 23 days...

I scanned the list, "50 Questions That Will Free Your Mind," quickly last night. Obviously this list isn't for scanning, but i didn't have the patience to reflect just yet. "23 days" as a repeating thought in my head right now reminds me of this question:

"If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?"

It may seem a little intense, but I'm sure you can see how it relates. Although its flipped, and I am the die-er... Although I am surely not dieing, (Um, i hope.. planes are scary!). But I am leaving, for what I'm sure at first, is gonna feel like a long time. (I will be gone for 7 months at least.)

Point being, with only a few weeks left, what should i do? Who should i see?

Unfortunately, on top of this, i have been boxing myself in lately, isolating myself. I have a 3 month old, and at 22 years old, when the only thing i have known the past 3 years (up until i got pregnant) has been partying, bullshitting, drinking. I have forgotten, temporarily, how to relate to the world, now that i have a baby. And relating to my peers (friends) has been really hard for me as well. I don't know if in reality it's hard to relate, or if it's all in my head... if that makes sense.

All in all, as a self-isolating nut with a [slight] case of baby blues.. how do i do, and see all of the things and people i need to do and see before i leave?

To evolve from this thought, after thinking a while, maybe I don't really want to see everyone, and maybe I don't really need to do anything. (I have been here for 22 years, in minnesota, there shouldn't be much left to do.) If it sounds to hard to leave the house, with my 3 month old, maybe I shouldn't leave the house.

Back to our question, as i have revised it. If I were going to die tomorrow, who would I see, and what would I do today? I stand at a fork in the road. Should i strive to revisit the places i have been that i won't see for a while, to see all of the people I have been involved with in my past? To revisit those memories? Am i really ready to move on?

Or should i sit, and wait. Meditate and pack my bags? Am i ready to leave it all behind?

This is my first time leaving the nest, I am holding on tightly to my past.. to people. It's really hard to think that i won't be here, to ask, how was your day? To see you greet me at your door when i stop by. To see you smile...

I don't want anyone to doubt my love for them.. to doubt that i have cherished our times together, and look forward to our times together in the future. But for now, I think I need to somehow figure out how to let go...

23 days. Tick-tock.. Tick-tock..